am I selfish or too concerned about others instead?
I just... am tired of being insignificant to those who are significant to me.
I could tell you all honestly how much everyone means to me. I mean, there are some who are more important, but every human that I know of bothers me in some way. Everyone who passes by in my life is a part of my life. And you know? I use far too much time wondering if I have angered anyone. And I'm tired of it. The reason that I'm always worried is because I always have a feeling that some human is unpleased because of me.
And when I spend all my time thinking if I have pissed anyone or not, people spend time on something else. And who isn't jealous of those people who steal attention from the people they want attention from? Like, most of us do. And it's not good. And because of those things, I'm bursting with frustration spilling out of me. This way, I anger someone again and the whole vicious cycle begins again.
I could say that I'm a self-centered person, but in some ways I'm not. Yes, I work for myself and work because of my own motivation, but most of my thoughts have to do with others, and it's their thoughts that bother me. I love everyone. Just that I'm not as selfless as God and I, most of the time, consider my own needs before others'. And there are situations where I am willing to love someone, in a friendly way, so much that enduring pain becomes not much of a big deal. It's just my personal value that loving someone who's deserving is so important that I'd still do even though it's only one-way. Even though that only happens once in a hundred years, when it does, it's like I'm stepping into a deep trap that I set myself, and I'm even digging it deeper.
It just seems impossible to find someone like that because everyone seems to just consider themselves solely or you know, people like me are just pretty rare. I believe that I am too observant towards others' expressions, or feelings, and what people think are bothering me too much, which becomes abnormal. I think that this quality of mine helps me to sympathize with people more, and I try not to upset them the same way people upset me. I believe that if I ever meet someone like me in this way, we could be very good friends and I believe that he/she would understand and not treat me like the others would.
I could tell you all honestly how much everyone means to me. I mean, there are some who are more important, but every human that I know of bothers me in some way. Everyone who passes by in my life is a part of my life. And you know? I use far too much time wondering if I have angered anyone. And I'm tired of it. The reason that I'm always worried is because I always have a feeling that some human is unpleased because of me.
And when I spend all my time thinking if I have pissed anyone or not, people spend time on something else. And who isn't jealous of those people who steal attention from the people they want attention from? Like, most of us do. And it's not good. And because of those things, I'm bursting with frustration spilling out of me. This way, I anger someone again and the whole vicious cycle begins again.
I could say that I'm a self-centered person, but in some ways I'm not. Yes, I work for myself and work because of my own motivation, but most of my thoughts have to do with others, and it's their thoughts that bother me. I love everyone. Just that I'm not as selfless as God and I, most of the time, consider my own needs before others'. And there are situations where I am willing to love someone, in a friendly way, so much that enduring pain becomes not much of a big deal. It's just my personal value that loving someone who's deserving is so important that I'd still do even though it's only one-way. Even though that only happens once in a hundred years, when it does, it's like I'm stepping into a deep trap that I set myself, and I'm even digging it deeper.
It just seems impossible to find someone like that because everyone seems to just consider themselves solely or you know, people like me are just pretty rare. I believe that I am too observant towards others' expressions, or feelings, and what people think are bothering me too much, which becomes abnormal. I think that this quality of mine helps me to sympathize with people more, and I try not to upset them the same way people upset me. I believe that if I ever meet someone like me in this way, we could be very good friends and I believe that he/she would understand and not treat me like the others would.
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let's all type some crap.