Blog 27/06/2014

A/N: it's been such a long time since my last formal post here, so sorry :/

Exam papers had all been given out. Today, the last papers, English unseen poems, composition and History were given out, which marked the official end of our final exams. Results really weren't that satisfying.

First, it was the science, for which I gained 90% in the previous exam. I had tons of confidence, but somehow I failed to obtain a desirable score. Then, English literature came. Guess what? I nearly failed it. I just passed by that mere one mark. Following that was the dreadful Geography paper which I thought I would ace. Instead, my score was one that was very near to an A, and I literally burst into tears. Lastly, it was the Chinese History that I only passed by 7 marks.

I didn't really put much time into studying, since I was never motivated. However, I did put all my mind into it, and streched myself beyond boundaries, waking up at 6am and sleeping at 12am. Perhaps my expectations towards myself were too high. I felt very disappointed with myself. It was so painful to face such scores, especially when it was the first time that happened to me.

Unlike the other people who feared the exams, I never doubted my ability. I believed that if I worked hard, marks would turn out good. Just because it was myself, I refused to forgive myself for it. I decided to punish myself harshly by all means. I believed that it was not because of fate that I scored that low. There was nothing to blame except for myself, so I wouldn't simply forget it and move forward. I would remind myself of this very thing that stayed as a regret.

Because of the regrets, I knew that I would work harder next time. Honestly, I didn't mind losing an A, as long as the amount of dedication was reflected in the scores. I believed that, if I studied a bit harder, I could've obtained those As that slipped away from me. There would always be a chance to regain an A and wash away the regrets of losing an A. I decided to

I would never just give up like that. I still believed in my own abilities, not because they were good in the first place, because I knew that there was always a way to ace things. As long as I had worked hard enough, I would never regret anything. Even if I got frustrated, I would never regret a single action. That was what I learnt from these final exams.