I don't always have to have goals

I'm not, most of the times, an ambitious person. I don't know about you, but ambitions kill me and stop me from doing even the most trivial, basic easy things in life. Sometimes, I don't set goals because I know I can't, but more often it's because I don't care that much at all. I don't always strive at the highest standard for everything; I do choose to put more effort in some things and abandon some others. That's just how I am, how I've decided to be.

I'm not a goal-oriented person, so if you try to give me goals to motivate me, no. It'll never work. I know they will never help me reach where I want to, because it's nothing but an extra burden on my shoulder. Having it as part of my target does nothing but make me overthink, to the point that I either forget to do everything else or break down so much that I'm unable to perform properly. To me, goals kill me, more precisely, outcome goals. That's why, for me right now, my goals are set to things like "calmly but use all my time available to study" or something like "have enough entertainment then study for a bit". These things, much to everyone's surprise, work magically on me.

The most likely case is, I really don't care that much at all. I don't see the needs of worrying unless my marks are far below average, which at the moment aren't really yet. For some subjects that I'm comparably better at, I might set standards of decent marks, although I don't think of it while studying. I might as well be able to enjoy studying if I were to forget all of these stupid goals.

If I don't care, I won't see any need to put in all of my effort. I consider myself a really passionate person that pours all my energy into doing things I love, so often I don't even care for the other things. Which I'm fine with, since I don't have goals in those other directions. I don't like thinking of how to maximize my performance in all directions to make myself an excellent woman, I'd rather live free-spiritedly and be able to commit my all to the things I love.

I'm pretty aware of the circumstances of me frying up certain things; I know that in some aspects, I'm not as good as people would've wished. I'm willing to sacrifice everything for a life with freedom. I think of what is best for me, not what to make me become the best woman on earth.

I won't pour all of my effort into doing something that won't feel satisfying. I've made up my mind, and I'm sure that I will gladly take up all the consequences of it.