blossom

Three years have come to an end. I don't really know how they zoomed by so quickly, that they were gone before I even realized. I'm surprisingly emotionless this year, but I still have quite a few things to say. I don't really know how to feel about such an abrupt end.

Three years ago, when I graduated from primary school, my feelings were very strong. The community and its atmosphere were things that I treasured greatly, and I knew that I could never retrieve it again in my life. Now that I've experienced the harsh reality of the senior school, I've grown even fonder of those memories, and the comfortable and relaxing feeling of being taken care of. I really hate it when things come to an end, because I always become so emotionally attached to things around me. The feeling now is kind of similar, and it really reminds me of the feeling I had three years ago. In fact, I'm now listening to my favourite song back then, and it really puts me in the mood for a reminiscent post. I feel so grateful thinking of the great experiences I've been given, but at the same time it's painfully frustrating because I know that time will never turn back for me to experience the same things again.

I hate to admit it, but I have many regrets that I wasn't able to clear before everything ended. Most of all, I'm regretful that all these years ended with me being on terrible terms with several people. Some of them I find hard to accept, and some of them who find me hard to accept. I'm sincerely apologetic to those who have suffered because of my inconsideration and foolishness. I'm sorry that I couldn't become the delightful, pleasant presence next to you; instead, I caused trouble. I don't really know what to do about that, but I'm very sorry. And to the people to whom I've carelessly said harsh and impolite things, I'm sorry that I was such a judgemental and temperamental person. It's probably too late now, but I'll work hard so that you change your minds about me in the future.

There were times when we didn't really unite as a class, and didn't really enjoy each others' company, but I really enjoyed being with every single one of you. There were times I casually ranted that I didn't want to deal with certain people, but if not for all of your unique characters in the class, the class wouldn't have turned out this way. I'm grateful for all the colours that everyone brought to the class, which made it an interesting and comfortable place. I'm sure that everyone of you were put next to me for a reason, so I'm glad that I was able to encounter everyone. Although I didn't really get along with everyone, and we didn't always share the same interests, I felt that I belonged in the class. I'm very thankful for encountering such a wonderful class, it's not something that I can even wish for. Because of all of you, I was prompted to work hard and was able to grow well in these three years.

We were such a unique class in many ways. We weren't always the best at academics like the classes of U that preceded us, but the atmosphere was definitely a lot livelier. I shared a lot of laughter with you, even on stressful days. I felt that, although we weren't the most united, we found bizarre ways to release our stress, and that was what I loved most about the class. Our tradition of blasting kpop songs in the classroom really left an impact on me, and amidst the laughter and enjoyment, I grew to really love the uniqueness of the class. I'm actually really sad that everything is over now, since I loved the combination of the class very much. But because we shared such times together, I'm sure we're able to relate a bit more, and bring our culture to our respective classes. I look forward a lot to our new classes next year, as people of different styles and interests are mixed together. I'm pretty sure that it will bring a lot of excitement and uncertainty.

Under the influence of the class and its culture, I was able to become the person that I am now. I'm certain that, if not for this class, I wouldn't have been able to grow so well. I've evolved so much as a person, and such a big part of me has changed (for good, I hope) in these three years. I'm definitely mentally stronger now and a lot more resilient towards challenges and difficulties. I'm grateful for the hardships I've been put through, I really am. I really love my life right now, and I enjoy being the person I am right now. I'm not always proud of my own ability and achievements, in fact being in a class with such competent people, I often doubt myself and compare myself to much stronger people and pick on myself. However, I've learnt something different from these experiences, that is the importance of enjoying the process and discovering my own strengths, as well as the significance of finding my own path and trying my best. 

In typical sisley fashion, I don't have any definite goals or hopes for next year. However, I do want to strive for more improvement, not only in terms of academic results, but also my mental strength. The new year is a great chance for me to clear my messy pile of worksheets and start over again, so I hope to make good use of this chance to organize my things, so to suffer less in the coming year. I also want to become a kinder person, a person who is capable of understanding and accepting others' differences. I want to be a considerate person who doesn't cause trouble for other people, and be more careful and aware of others' needs. I also want to be more open towards meeting new people, and become more approachable. Most of all, I want to become more positive and try not to be easily irritable, and be able to meet more people and the upcoming days with a smile on my face. To me, a positive attitude is very crucial to success and just a great life in general.

I look forward to next year, especially because we finally get to pick the subjects we like, instead of just taking a bit of everything to torture us. I'm sure that it'd be interesting with everyone having different experiences here and there. I hope to hear everyone share about their stories in their respective elective classes. I really love this whole thing about electives because I think it celebrates variety and differences, and I love how everyone can have their own experiences with their studies. I chose quite an interesting (irrelevant) combination of subjects, so I'm very curious to see how the combination goes together.

To all the people who have kindly befriended me in these three years and stayed by my side, your existence is so surreal that I find it hard to believe, even now. Thanks for kindly inviting me with you when you all go out to have fun times. I've spent quite a lot of years in complete friendless solitude, so having people like you around me is really amazing to me. It might not be a big deal to you, but it's more than a gift and a miracle to me. In these three years, I met my first group of friends who took care of me and allowed me to join their project groups every single time. I was able to go play on trampolines, scream karaoke, go shopping and much more with others thanks to you all. For that, I'm more than grateful. I'm happy that some of you will be in my class too, next year, and I'm comforted by your presence next to me; for those who are leaving, or for those who are going to other classes, we will become distant without any doubt, but I hope we keep some sort of contact and go out for lunch once in a while?

I've been granted so many things. Sometimes I'm not even sure why I deserve such great experiences, but since I have received so much happiness, I will work even harder to bring happiness to everyone else. I will make use of the time during this summer holiday to think carefully about myself as a person, and I will certainly come back as a (more) decent person, I promise you. 

I know that every end is a beginning to something new; every exit leads to another path. That is for sure, and its significance isn't only a cliched saying.

on vaja ööd et päev tooks valguse
et uus saaks alguse

;-)