Blog 25/02/2014

It's been long since my previous post. I do feel sad about not posting and abandoning this blog, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't find any time.

This post is a classic rant about those heartbreaking people. You all know that I write a lot about this kind of crap, so excessively much that this blog can be declared a sad story trashbin. But anyways, there's this one person that particularly saddens me with her unconcious actions, perhaps because she's never aware of these things. I can't do anything about this because I know that she isn't the slightest bit aware of this.

To make matters worse, this person is an ultimate nice person as considered by everyone including me, and honestly I do adore her a lot. In case you happen to think that you know who this is, please rethink before drawing conclusions, as this is extremely unpredictable. I do think that she understands me extremely well in almost all areas, with the only exception being this very area. In other words, she is the perfect friend except for the fact that she is not aware of how she is hurting me.

It's not her fault at all.

It's just that she does not notice how terrible I feel when she chooses to tell things to someone else. What's worse is that the 'someone else' comes around sort of bragging about what she knows. What can I say about that? The two of them are equally ignorant and is not very aware of others' feelings. I really can't go on like that. I might have to grab one of them forcefully and tell what I really need to say.

I won't hate, nor will I in any way be jealous. Perhaps this is not healthy, but I promise myself that I will keep it inside my heart. I shall forget how tiring this feels, because the person never actually did anything wrong, and it is even more wrong to accuse her. I'm just frustrated at how unaware people can be, and at the fact that no one feels the same way as I do. No one has an idea how exhausting and depressing this can be. It also brings me to question if I am a terrible listener, or if I am so much worse than that 'someone else'.

And yeah, I'm quite good friends with that 'someone else' and kinda good friends with that person, and this situation isnt really that visible. So that's it.

Even though this problem frustrates me every second, I'm grateful for it. Because there was this day when I realized what you were to me -- significant and irreplacable. It's my biggest wish that I would also be unique and irreplacable to you. And that wish is kept inside my heart.