14+1

It's been two days since I turned fifteen, but I still can't fully comprehend how big or small of a number fifteen is. The first time the number fifteen was carved in my mind was when I was eight, and I admired my mature, independent cousin. She was fifteen.

I like to think of my life as a miracle; a gift that I didn't do anything to deserve. I've been granted fifteen years on this world, and even if the world is corrupted and disgusting, it's not a chance that everyone gets to have. I've had the chance to grow and witness myself becoming a better person, perhaps, and I've had lots of time to figure out my aspirations. There are so many things I look forward to doing and achieving, some in the near future and some perhaps ten years from now. I'm grateful that I'm allowed to continue working towards my aspirations, and shall be able to learn more about myself in the process of it.

On my birthday, I received wishes and greetings from numerous people. It wasn't something that I was used to, since my birthdays have been cold occasions since I barely even had friends. However, this year, much to my surprise, I received many presents and greetings, which really shocked me at first. Some of my friends even took the time to buy me a cake, making it my first cake in five years. It's really amazing that people are willing to do all these for me, and I really don't know what I've done to deserve such kindness.

I'm a very weak and negative person, and frankly speaking, if I were any of you, I would've ran away from myself long time ago. There's no charm in me whatsoever, so I'm surprised that people actually find it alright to talk to me. A lot of my happiness comes from those of you who are eager to tell me your stories and your feelings. I feel very honoured to listen to your stories, because they're all precious experiences that identify and make a person. I love meeting every single one of you who bring diversity and joy into my life.

In the future, I'll work even harder to deserve all of your care, even though I'll never become worthy of it. I want to become a stronger person who can persevere through difficult times with a genuine, bright smile. I want to be able to see the pleasant things in life, even during dark, hopeless times. I want to become a loving person who can tolerate and understand different people and different actions. Most of all, I want to be a person who brings happiness and laughter, instead of the anxiety and negativity that I normally bring, being a positive and beneficial presence in my communities.

Thanks for being such a delight in my life. From now on, as supposedly a fifteen year old girl who can now become a part of the labour force, I'll try my best to become more mature and wiser. I'm a huge derp, but I'll work hard to improve myself, so please take good care of me.