Another Piece of Crap About Me

I'm an overly-passionate girl. When I do find passion, I am willing to go through anything to achieve it as long as it's not illegal. I could be so passionate that I would be so emotionally involved, crying over maybe just the slightest fault when doing that thing. This also shows that I am probably a perfectionist, I pressurize myself hard to achieve perfection. I could do 99 good things and 1 bad thing, and still spend my entire day mourning. That's just how my life is. It's so hard. One of my strongest passions is volleyball. It's obvious to me that I'm not made for sports, but I just love it too much. I'm not really that talented at it, and I constantly make mistakes, and I don't allow them.

I'm a selfish person. I'm not really selfish as in wanting to snatch away everyone's possessions in order to make myself happy, it's more like I'm self-motivated. People would want to be in professions because those would allow them to help people. They enjoyed helping people and that was their passion. For me, I also enjoy helping, but I certainly won't go that far for others. I would do voluntary work, but my future profession would be chosen because I wanted that for myself, not because it could benefit people. If I ever were to succeed in something, it'd be because I wanted it so much and the perfectionist in me pushed myself hard. Some people say that they study hard for their parents, to pay them off. I'd say that I work hard for myself, for my own interest, for my own honour, and I clearly know that if I were to be successful, my parents would be honoured too. I feel sorry that no one else is my motivation. It's not because I don't love them enough. It's just because I'm completely not satisfied with working because of others.

I'm an extremely loud person. Loud as in outspoken. I can't control myself at all. When I want to speak, I'd just speak no matter what. Then afterwards I'd be deeply sorry and apologize. I have this strong belief that I should voice out what is right. Again, I'm not doing it because I think that could help people, it's just to satisfy my ever-screaming heart. I do it because I want to. If I were to say things to help people it would not be because of pity, but because inside me there would be a voice proclaiming that it was injustice. To speak out is like releasing all your feelings from this cell in your heart. I'm tired of keeping all things in my heart. It is just tiring and annoying. I firmly believe that speaking is the best thing to do.

I'm an emotional person. Like seriously. My sadness gets totally out of control and so does my happiness. Perhaps because of my sadness being too strong and constant, the occasional blasts of happiness overwhelm me and make me feel as if I were gliding through the sky. Besides, when I hear a song that makes me relate and feel deeply, I could burst into tears. The same goes for movies/anime. When I watch Nana, I feel that I can relate exceptionally well to Nana Osaki, and when she goes through hardships, it's as if I'm going through that too, and I cry along. And my happiness does not come easily, but when it does, it's the most simple or ridiculous stuff. For example, when I run down a slope on winter days with friends, I find that kind of rare happiness. So will I laugh with true happiness when I joke around and laugh at the the most stupid things that I find. Some people say that I'm a humorous and happy person, but then it's just because I'm working hard to make myself happy.

So that kind of sums myself up.