Blog 13/04/2014

What comes to your mind when someone mentions the word 'strong'? It could be some weightlifter from Kazakhstan, or some person who has gone through many hardships and still manages to stand back up. I cannot accurately define what a strong person is like, but I clearly know that I am very, very weak.

The purpose of this post is not to expose my insecurities, so please don't use the information to attack me. It's just because I realized how much of a weak person I am.

I am just so weak. Negativity and pessimism are in my nature, so I crush myself even further. I am not suited for this world. Every usual word you make might just kill me suddenly, and I might as well break down for invalid reasons. I could go on about how I don't care about anything, but it would just be an empty lie. Even though I wouldn't want to admit this, I am so fragile and so close to breaking.

I'm not the kind of unbreakable person who stays strong during chaotic times. When problems come at me at light speed, I get crushed and become a burden. When someone is worried, I worry even more, and as a result, another problem is caused. So I, being useless, am not able to help with the bad situation, instead I am another new burden.

I want to ignore what others say about me, but it's just wishful thinking. I want, or rather need, to be so much stronger to survive. I can't blame the world for being cruel, because it is partly my fault too. Some of the things manage keep me together, give me a tiny string of hope. Because I'm so easily broken, it's so mortifying to realize how close I am to breaking.

I know that I cannot continue on blaming the hardships of life, because that's how reality is. I shall prepare to be crushed.