Blog 11/07/2014 [SPECIAL: END OF TERM & NEW YEAR ASPIRATIONS]

There are certain things that pains to think about, no matter how long ago they were. Something happens, and you think of them again. That's why people are caught in the middle of endless sadness. It's a vicious circle.

End of term. The happy chatters of girls dashing out of the school, eager for some fun. No one remembers or gets bothered about the past academic year becoming history. All they see is the fun ahead of them.

Departures. Farewells. The fact that we, as a school, will not ever assemble with the exact same people again is devastating. The feeling of growing is so overwhelming, at the same time it's depressing, as I come to realization that there's no way I can go back and experience the things in the past. To think about things that used to be in front of us before have become history.

It's always a tearful experience for me. Crying over everything, from someone's departure to leaving the familiarized classroom. Why is time so mercilessly destroying our happy memories? They won't ever be completely washed away by time, instead they are left as memories. And when, by chance, I relieve them, I realize how big of an impact they have left.

How can one simply forget things and move on like that? Posting such motivational pictures onto Instagram and simply say something like, "NEW YEAR I'M COMING!" That's not actually the most ridiculous one yet. Some basically say that the year is over and the new one is more worth focusing on. Again, I don't hate anyone, but I seriously have no respect for this kind of people. I just think it's pathetic. It's not that it's wrong, but please do acknowledge the things in the past. It's not like you can bury it in your graveyard of memories.

Our school always ends the school terms with the same song. Having sung the song for over 10 times has left a huge impact on me. I happened to tear up today when I sang it, and I have no idea why. Perhaps it's because it carries all my emotions. It's a song I first sung when I was, maybe, 7 or 8, so it really brings back the complicated feelings of every end of term. 

It's a song that particularly matches my feelings. The first line goes: "Lord dismiss us with thy blessing, thanks for mercies past receive." It makes me think, am I thankful enough for the things that have happened this year? Then there's this line: "time that's lost may all retrieve," which is totally what I want. And the line: "may all taint of evil perish" is my number one wish. Lastly, in the last verse, there's this line that makes my tears burst out: "Let thy Father-hand be shielding all who here shall meet no more," which makes me think of the heartbreaking departures.

Although I'll certainly miss this academic year, there's no use mourning over it. At the same time, I'll never forget a single thing from this year. I'll take what I learnt and experienced from this year, and improve myself in the new year. I'm certainly working even harder next year, since not everything went according to my wish this year.

It's certainly going to be a year of more hard work, more freedom and more fun. I'll do everything I can to make it another memorable year. I say that every year, and it's definitely true that I will not forget any single moment.

Now a quote from my favourite Estonian song, Et uus saaks alguse:

Aga tean, ma tean,
kõik võib muuta heaks.
Iga uks, mis kord sulgab, see avaneb taas.

(And I know that things will get better, every door that closes will eventually open again.)