resolve

People always say that problems are solved naturally by the flow of time, but I was never really convinced by it. Being such a pessimistic person, the problems in front of almost seemed insuperable. I never really thought about the power of time, and how my feelings might be eventually just washed away. All I saw was the problem right in front of me -- and it seemed bigger than any other thing.

I didn't realize how true it was until recently, when I looked back to a time in the past when I faced a lot of hardships. The problems which I thought would never be solved were somehow solved naturally. It was such a painful time in my life, filled with so much spite and hatred. However, looking at it now, it's nothing more than a cringeworthy part of my history. It seemed so impossible to deal with back then, but now I'm actually able to laugh while I talk about it. So that's the power of time, I realized.

Back then there was this person I spited with all my heart. I spited her so much that
I wanted her to disappear from my life so badly. I harboured so much hatred and frustration that one day, I started to explode at her, and our relationship worsened day by day. I wanted to hit her, I wanted to just get rid of her, but this other person would always defend her -- and it frustrated me even more because it was the person I really admired and respected. I was so friendless back then; she was my only friend, my only role model, my only need in life. I was so fearful that I'd lose her that I felt incredibly unsettled everyday.

I'd yell at that person I hated every single day, because what else could I have done? Back then I was stubborn and close-minded, and I thought that everyone was just blindly defending her with injustice. I was so immersed in my own feelings of hatred that I didn't think about anything else. We'd argue every single day, and cause a whole lot of drama. It was so unnecessary, but I wanted so much to lash out my anger on her, nothing else mattered anymore. Although the issue was so-called "resolved" because I finally shut up and gave up on it, but I kept those feelings of dissatisfaction in me, for a long, long time.

Fast forward five years from then, I'm actually on good terms with that person. It's quite surprising actually, even to myself. We get along quite well, and we actually even sit together in class. If the me from five years ago were to look at the situation now, I would've laughed in disbelief. I never saw, or even thought, that this day would come for us to reconcile, because it seemed completely impossible. I felt so desperate and helpless back then, thinking that everyone had wronged me. However, now that I think about it again, perhaps it wasn't that much of a problem. I suffered so much because of that back then, and I thought I'd never get myself out of it, but once I let go of it, the problem somehow solved itself.

The same theory applies to current problems. Everyday, there are certainly things that bother me, so much that I feel like they can never be solved. However, as I write about my past experiences, I've managed to convince myself that things don't work this way. Things will heal themselves, and I will learn to become stronger and more resilient towards them as time passes by. I will grow, I will improve, and I will eventually become immune to such issues. That's how things should work, but I never realized so.

From where I'm standing right now, the future might not be that bright, but I'm sure it's just that I'm too immersed in my own sadness. There are many things I'm burdened by, and many past incidents that still leave wounds in my heart that won't seem to go away. I'm limited by my past, and I think that's alright, since I'll eventually grow to overcome the fears and shadows of the unfortunate past. I don't know what my destiny is like, but I know that every day and thing I survive through will bring me new insights. I want to believe that I'm not lost, and I want to always have hope while I'm searching.

Time will reveal the answer to me, I know.